A show of envy is an insult to oneself

Don't know why i chose that particular quote...

Today's subject is envy. I'm envious of everyone who is Download Festival. I'm envious that they could afford to go. I'm envious that they are well enough to work. I'm envious that they, unlike me aren't messed up in the head.

I shouldn't care, but for some reason its really really getting to me. Instead of being at a festival I'm at home in bed (hiding from my bf's landlord). I should be out there, not in here.

Oh and the paranoia is back with a vengence. Mainly against any female with a pulse who knows my bf. I've had it before, the pananoia that eats away at me, the scenarios my head creates and plays back to me over and over again. There's a new female, don't know how she knows him, but she's getting to close. Or at least that's what my crazy ol' head is telling me.

I think my mind is still adujusting to the lowered dosage of Ciatalopram. Still have low mood. Still have no appitite. Still feeling tearful. Still want to self harm. I keep telling myself i only have to get through till wednesday (next appoinment with doctor) but it seems so far away.

Guess i'll just have to carry on distracting myself