A Severe Psychiatric Disorder...

That's apparently what BPD is considered to be. And apparently its recognised as much by the DSM IV.

So why do i feel i'm not getting any help?

why do i always hurt myself in 3's.

I'm sorry for being a broken record.

I'm sorry for saying the same shit over and over again.

I'm sorry i can't cope.

I'm sorry i've slipped up.

I'm sorry for being weak.

I'm sorry for being pathetic.

I'm sorry for being a burden.

I'm sorry for you having to cope with me.

I'm sorry i can't be someone else.

I'm sorry i'm getting worse, not better.

I'm sorry for you having to pick up the pieces.

I'm sorry for being moody and miserable.

I'm sorry for not bing happy.

I'm sorry i don't smile anymore.

I'm sorry i've let you down.

I'm sorry for being alive, when i should be dead.

If someone reads this, please will you tell me? Cos i feel like i'm talking to myself. I feel like no-one can hear me. I feel like i'm beyond help.

I can't cope with this. I know i've said it before but i really can't. I don't know if i can wait to die. I need to die now. I need to make this stop. I need it to go away. I want everything to be ok, and it isn't, and it never will be.

There's a small part of me, that is begging you to stop me. Stop me before i do something stupid. Please. I can't do this on my own. I've hidden how i feel, but now i think the mask is slipping and pretty soon everyone is going to see me for what i really am. I don't deserve this life. All i've donw with it is fuck it up, and moan about it.

No-one is in tomorrow night. I could move the date forward. I could die tomorrow.

I'm sorry.