Benefits

So since i lost my job (or should that be since they decided i'd resigned when i blatantly hadn't) i've had no money. Am still signed off sick and not fit to work mainly cos of my depression (possibly also cos of the BPD). I know all i need to do is just fill in the sodding forms and apply for benefits, but no matter how much i try and force myself to, i can't.

I don't feel worthy of the help. I've been put off applying for DLA cos the Psych i saw old me "its normally for people with more serious problems than you". And i can't bring myself to fill in all th other forms, especially ESA as they are going to want bank statement and old pay slips and due my old work fucking me over (and my previous application being "lost") i don't have these things.

I feel like i'm not ill enough to deserve help. But i don't get how ill i have to be before they will help me. Even when i was actively suicidal and OD i apparently wasn't that ill. I can't face applying for help right now cos im finding it too overwhelming Every time i try to fill forms it it just makes me feel like shit and the urge to SI gets worse.

I would try going to the jobcenter but i've heard bad things and CAB were useless when i went to see them. if i leave this much longer i wont be able to even keep a roof over my head but i'm finding this really hard to cope with.

I don't know what to do.