Sometimes when i post on here i'm not even thinking, my hands just start typingm my emotions pour out. Its a bit like picking up a bottle of bbq sauce and it just spilling everywhere, its just out of your control.
I feel like, and i know i can be and am an inconsiderate twat at times. But if i kept all of this bottled up then i'd be dead by now.
I just can't talk about it. Telling someone you love that you honestly believe you are not only better off dea, but have planned it, is not something anyone should have to hear. I kidd myself into thinking i'm keeping you from harm if i just type it into this anonymouse mass of cyberspace.
I'm sorry. I just need to vent. I've always found keeping a diary helps. Sometimes i cant remember how bad i've been and it can be a shock to even me when i read some of the things i've written, but i can only imagine how much more a shock it must be for you to read. and i'm sorry for that.
:(
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